Frustration
by OctoberAttison
Summary: Reiterates the frustration of keeping things quiet. My very first fic ever. What I think might have happened during one of Jack and Ennis's trips.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any rights to Annie Proulx's works or movie version of Brokeback Mountain.

**Summary:** My very first Fic ever. A peek into what, I think, might be a scene of Jack and Ennis during one of their "fishing trips". **Rated MA for mature readers only (sexual content)**. Please only constructive criticism.

Shaking his pack of smokes and finding it empty, he tossed it over his shoulder where it caught in tangled tall grass. He leaned back against the bed of his truck and worried at a strand of red bale twine, squinting towards the dusty road from time to time.Scuffed boots jerked alert almost before the rattling truck announced its arrival.

Sure as shit, Jack was grinnin' like an idiot from behind the wheel of a beaten pick-up that had barely finished the journey from Childress, Texas, and now looked ready to end its own life as it screeched to a halt.

"Fuck'sake!" was all Ennis could utter, before Jack was out the truck and striding, quick, into a fierce hug. Electric and warm, they squeezed the breath from each other a moment more. Then Jack, grabbing the back of Ennis's worn-out hat, pressed their mouths together, roughly. Laughing and grappling at each others jackets they stared into each others faces. Ennis still dusty with a suppressed mix of emotion and Jack, blue eyes laughing, with a grin from ear to ear.

"You look like a worn-out rug. Been wait'n long?" asked Jack. Ennis smiled and replied, "Jack fuck'n Twist, I been wait'n damn near three hours. Smoked my last stick 'boutthirty minutes ago."

Using the better vehicle they started down the road for a hotel. Ennis smoked a borrowed cigarette with one hand as the other rested on Jack's knee. "Swear by god, was a 12 point buck. Smashed the front o' that ford clean into my lap." Jack jerked the wheel of Ennis' truck in emphasis. "Little man and I love venison, and we cooked the sonofabitch. Would'a brought some if there had been any left. Kinda regret having to drive the old junker again." Jack slapped the wheel. Giddywith Ennis's company.

"My girls won't eat it. Don't hunt with me neither. Like you they don't sit still long enough." Ennis grabbed at the dashboard when Jack braked suddenly to slow 'round a curve. "Watch you don't wreck my truck." he growled. "You could afford a new one if you got a job working for Lureen's dad." Jack shot.

Ennis withdrew his hand and flicked the finished cigarette out the window. He cleared his throat before saying "I already told you I got responsibilities. I aint gonna drop everything and move from Riverton. Besides, there's too much risk working for your father in law. Not sensible Jack."

The rest of the drive was mostly silent before Jack pulled into a suitable Motel with a blinking vacancy sign. Climbing out of the truck and pulling their bags from the back they made their way to the front office. Ennis stamped his boots in the doorway, while Jack signed in at the desk.

When he was finished the man behind the desk left to get a key and Ennis approached. "We'll stay here 2 days then find another place." He muttered. Jack punched his arm lightly saying, "Don't be so spooked. We're just fishing. Nothing queer about fishing."

He leaned against the counter taking in Ennis, and wondering how the hell his trips to Mexico were ever gonna make-up for the ache coming when their vacation ended. Half-rising he almost kissed him right there, but thought better of it and smiled as he stood close enough to smell Ennis' dusty warmth.

Ennis smiled back and the two of them stood grinning without words when the desk keeper returned. He paused when he caught the sight of them. Pretending not to have overheard, he regretted to inform them that there were no vacancies. Ennis thanked him anyway and started for the door. Jack turned to face the short man behind the desk. "Funny that the sign outside say's there is. Funny that you let me sign in"

Short and angry always comes packaged together. There was a moment where the man stared pin-eyed into Jack. Red faced, the he stated, "Well I say a lot of things are funny 'round here. The sign is wrong. I say you are mistaken. You boys'll have to find someplace else." Jack went quiet and Ennis grabbed him by the collar and pulled him out the door.

Swearing and climbing into the truck Ennis started it up. Jack stopped next to his window, struggled to say something and managed, "Let me drive." Through a clenched mouth Ennis replied, "No thanks. You ain't a safe behind a wheel and it's mine besides."

Jack sighed tersely, "I said I'll drive goddamn it."

Ennis only stared ahead as his jaw ticked. Pissed, Jack jerked the driver side door open, and tried to climb up. Slamming him backward Ennis was out the door and scuffling in the gravel. Only slightly surprised Jack swung and ducked as best he could, with Ennis pinning him strong.A couple of hard punches and shoves was all it lasted before Jack was on his back and bleeding from the lip where his big teeth had cut. Ennis kicked his fallen hat before striding after it and pushing it back on his head. They climbed into the truck and drove on with only heavy breathing to fill the silence.

At the second hotel Jack signed in while Ennis waited at the back of the truck with the bags. They filed into the two-bed room and Jack used the tiny sink to wash his face. An ugly clock ticked loudly in the silence.

"I'm gonna get these buck teeth o' mine filed down. That or learn to dodge better." He said quietly. Ennis shut the door and sat awkwardly at the edge of the bed, then stood pacing a moment before grabbing Jack and pushing him down on it. As rough as their earlier scuffle they were pulling off each other's clothes and kissing hard. Groins bumped. Chest and thighs pressing into each other, impatient, both trying to force months of pent up hunger into one moment. Struggling with stiff jeans, hot skin beating beneath. Ennis drew Jack against his body as Jack kissed him feverishly until finally, unable to wait, he flipped Jack, grabbing at shoulder and hips, entered using a slick of spit. Later, the second time around, they would be gentle and slower.

The room was sweaty and hot when they finished. Jack rose and knocked at the window until it finally cracked open. He stood there, naked as the day he was born, looking out at the sky. Ennis untangled his feet from the sheets and reached for the pack of smokes in Jack's shirt.

"Can't believe you like this brand." said Ennis. "You must like them too. You keep smoking them." Jack replied as he lay back down, warm skin to skin. Ennis laughed and pulled Jack under his chin. "I guess I like a lot of things I never thought to try."

For a while Jack listened to the heart beating under his ear. Then finally he said "This world is a helluva lot bigger than Wyoming. It's very fucking frustrating slippin' 'round like a bunch of criminals. You'd think we're the only sinners on the earth headin' to hell." Ennis thought a minute before lighting his cigarette. "I don't rightly know the definition of a sinner no more, but I do know the definition of a cowboy and there's no use pretendin' we could be anything else."

Jack pulled Ennis' arm over his chest. "Never said we were anything but. I love this area just as much as you. Just wish I could see it more n' a couple a times a year. You know I ain't thinking 'bout nothin 'cept when we can meet up again. It ain't like we couldn't work a different situation if we tried." He finished and shut his eyes while Ennis held him quietly.

Long moments passed with just the rise and fall of Ennis's chest as he thought. Finally he said, getting loud towards the end, "Well 'fraid we have to make do with what we're handed. You got a life. I got child support to pay. This ain't a world where we can do fuck whatever. That's how you wind up dead. In some goddamn ditch. Fuck all Jack. You think I don't want something different. You're no good at keep'n things quiet. Too loud and you can't sit still long enough. You're lucky you ain't had your ass kicked by some redneck yet." Jack sat up saying, "Maybe you're right. Maybe the only reason I'm lucky is 'cause they ain't gettin' a chance. You're always flying off the handle first."

Stung, Ennis shot up and replied, "I ain't got no tolerance, Jack Twist. That's true. I'm still here though, aint I? All I'm saying is that we could make do with a little more caution. It ain't like I said we should end it all."

There was a stunned silence. Neither man had ever implied ending anything. They sat quiet a long time just observing each others expressions. Ennis complicated and sorry, Jack, breath stuck and eyes deep.

Finally Jack said "I know you don't want to end it, we both don't mind what we're doing, otherwise we wouldn' a' be goin' through the trouble of meetin' up. It's a bitch of a situation. I feel like the only one with ideas." They both started to calm, and Ennis looked to be struggling with something in his mouth till Jack finally said, "What say we just fuckin' forget the shit an' enjoy what we got."

The sun was just about set at this point. Light coming through the window, saturated everythingin its dusky hue. Ennis just studied thewall's corner,where it met the edge of the other. Coming night made his skin look pale and vulnerable. His face lit from time to time with each puff from the cigarette. Finally noticing Jack studying him, he laughed and pulled him into a hug. Feeling the body he missed tucked underneath him.

"I can agree to that. I can also agree to some coffee. Just as long as there's no grounds in it." Jack smiled, warm and open again. "I can make coffee. It's my cookin' that ain't worth shit."


End file.
